


Dying Inside

by srmrsj



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Unrequited Wincest, one sided Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 06:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/srmrsj/pseuds/srmrsj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's going through Deans head when he's standing up as best man at Sam and Jess' wedding</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dying Inside

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda made myself sad with this one, so i apologize beforehand

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Samuel Winchester and Jessica Moore in holy matrimony…”

I swallow the painful lump that has formed in my throat as the minister begins the ceremony that will officially shatter what’s left of my broken heart.

My tux feels like it’s suffocating me, and I want nothing more than to curl up into a ball on the floor of the church and wait for the ground to swallow me whole, but he’s my brother and best friend. So I’ll be the man stands by his side and wish the two of them all the happiness in the world.

Even though my chances of such a future are completely hopeless. I can’t help but wonder if he would ever feel the same.

As time-honored words of love and commitment are read from various passages in the Bible, I do my best to keep the smile plastered on my face for their sake. I love them both more than anything, so the least I can do is not let them know just how badly I’m dying on the inside.

My eyes swim with unshed tears, and I try my hardest to push the gut-wrenching thoughts from my mind and focus on Sam and Jess as they’re united in holy matrimony. I’ve never seen him so blissfully happy, and my heart warms as I take in his beaming smile. Jess is practically glowing as she stares adoringly into his sparkling eyes, and I’m so unbelievably grateful because if someone else were to have him I couldn’t have asked for a better wife for my brother.

Sam and I have close since he was born, I loved that kid the second mom put him in my arms. The two of us were practically inseparable over the years, you know, being loners and living together when we both moved to California. Sam and Jess had been dating since they met in Stanford, I knew they loved each other immensely and I knew my feeling were wrong, but it didn't stop me loving Sam.

It had been difficult, to say the least, seeing them together, holding hands, kissing each other’s lips. I tried to separate myself from him, by moving out and giving them some privacy as much as it hurt being away from him.

While we were separated, I tried so very hard to make myself forget, to make my feelings go away. I played the field and did things that normal guys my age did. I even had a girlfriend for a while and tried like hell to make it work with her. Cassie said she loved me, and I thought it would be enough.

I figured if I could force myself to stay away and be with someone else, it would make my wretched feelings change. But, in the end, I had only ended up hurting the both of us. When I had confessed that I didn’t love her, but that I was in love with another, Cassie had been devastated, and I had been utterly ashamed of myself. I was such a failure, in more ways than one.

And even though I knew it was inevitable, when Sam and Jess had announced their engagement, I had congratulated them–like any normal brother should–and then I had taken off for a couple of weeks, just trying to rein in my overwhelming emotions.

As the happy couple stand at the altar and take their communion, the look of sheer joy on Sam's beautiful face as he gazes longingly at Jess is too much for me to bear, and I have to look away before I totally lose it in front of family and friends.

My chest constricts as I realize that no one has ever looked at me that way–not even Cassie–and even if, by some miracle, someone does look at me like that someday far off into the future, it won’t be the face I want it to be. It will never be that face.

The minister leads the congregation in a prayer for the happy couple, and as I bow my head and close my eyes, the images come unbidden to me. I can’t stop them from flashing through my mind, so I finally give in and let them wash over me, consuming me.

I know full well that this is the only chance we’ll ever have at being together. This is the only time I’ll ever reveal my true feelings…in my head.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated


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